Ivy and the Wall

I'm not sure what words I have for you right now. I wrote a blog post about a week ago, but it was as close to "too personal" as I've ever gotten, at least in the fact that I would feel uncomfortable were the persons referenced to read it. If confrontation does come about, I don't want it to be that way.

And, frankly, I'm scared of confrontation. I'm scared of taking chances. I'm scared of sussing out truths not everyone will agree with. This doesn't mean I have never done and will never do such things but rather that, at this point in my life, I am very tentative to do them. Still, part of me wishes I could. My thoughts are most often scattered and irrational, yet I measure my every action carefully before taking it. As a result, I do nothing. As a result, I worry everything.

It's so much easier, and more fun, to replay amusing social situations here than express my true emotions. I have been in an uncomfortable state of feeling misunderstood lately, conflicted in area after area and stuck wishing.

I forget that I don't have to wish, don't have to hope. It's going to be okay. It's going to hurt, but it's going to be okay.

Life goes on.