Wednesday, May 25, 2011

In conclusion.

I was, as you may recall, romantically entangled something like a year ago. It was all very dramatic and ended terribly, with my (loser, ahem) boyfriend dumping me in a text message and refusing to tell me why our supposedly flawless relationship had suddenly gone to hell in a handbasket. This, in the long run, is what broke me. I had to live with the fact that I did not (and in all likelihood would never) know what went wrong.

I have had months to get through this. I have gotten through this, just, and arrived at a much better place than I started from.

Thousands upon thousands of words and countless pep talks following the ordeal, I have learned why my (one and only, slime ball, etc.) boyfriend took it upon himself to break up with me in such an erroneous and disgusting matter. One reason is that he is an idiot.

The other reason is that he is gay.

My first reaction to this news, of course, was something along the lines of "Are you kidding?" Someone should really write a guide to dealing with freaking weird news, as the last few days have been a whirlwind of emotions that have made little to no sense to me. Following the initial shock I deluded myself, briefly, into the idea that I was totally fine with this new information.

I have many friends-who-are-not-straight. It is apparent, in fact, that they somewhat outnumber me. This is hardly a problem, with the exception of the few (quite amusing) moments where I feel alone in my undying heterosexuality. I am highly in favor of queer people existing and leading happy lives.

But I am not okay with this. My ex-boyfriend is homosexual. Why the (excuse my language) fuck was he dating me? That is not okay. While this knowledge has its good points (at least it didn't go on for longer, I clearly have magic gay-making powers, now I know), at this moment I am caught between cursing everything ever and finding the news hilarious yet tragic.

I am positive that I will be fine. I really will. Upon worrying the issue for nearly a year, I feel entitled to this temporary state of unrest.

If I can draw one positive from this experience, it is that I have written some hilarious poetry to go with the situation. For instance: "Life is quite odd / when your ex-boyfriend likes boys / you're such a clod, Dobbin / catapult, ahoy!"

That is, I will admit, one of the less graphic ones. Healing can be fun, no?

4 comments:

  1. #gpoy
    Dear Whatshisname,
    Katherine is smarter than you.
    Always and forever a human who will always say what is on my mind,
    The Partner In Crazy.

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  2. I have a feeling that he didn't totally KNOW ABOUT or UNDERSTAND or was DENYING his identity. You're probably tired of hearing, "It wasn't you!" but it really wasn't. I think he meant everything he said- right up until he realized he didn't. Not romantically. And then he couldn't pretend to be someone he wasn't, but wasn't ready to deal with who he is, hence MYSTERY BREAK UP OF STUPIDNESS.

    In his BRIEF defense... imagine how hard and scary it must be to realize you're gay in TinyTownTexas.

    Anyway. It's best that it all happened when it did. In high school, the marriage of a friend's parents fell apart after many years and two children when the Mister realized he was interested in other Misters. AT LEAST YOU DIDN'T MARRY DOBBIN. That's the lesson.

    Of course, none of this invalidates your feelings, which are entirely justified.

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  3. Whaaaaaat. Well then. That certainly explains things, doesn't it? Though it definitely doesn't give him an excuse for doing what he did the WAY he did it, if you know what I mean. He could have actually, like, TALKED to you about it. I'm sure that would have made things so much better for both of you.

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  4. I LOVE YOU KATHERINE.
    Dobbin is a total idiot, but at least you have a real explanation now. :)

    And I love your poetry.

    ReplyDelete