I can't quite place how our friendship begins. He isn't the status quo, and I like that. We plan glitter parties, find ourselves on the phone at eleven on a school night trying to make sense of our failed relationships and heavy hearts. I send him pictures of cereal and he is, bless him, not uninterested in my Raisin Bran.
John asks to write a guest post, and I'm tentative. "What to you want to write about?" I ask, teetering between enthusiasm and the urge to protect my space.
"People keep asking me what's wrong," he says.
He needs a home for his words. He deserves this much. He deserves more.
Mysterious Skin
Michelle Trachtenberg
What holds us to this world? Gravity? Our bodies? Or is it the relationships we form? I find myself asking such questions on a daily basis. Many people ask me what the matter is, when I seem down, or sad. To this, I have to ask... Have you ever felt unwanted? Unneeded? Like you don't belong where you are? I find myself feeling like this quite often. The only thing I've ever known how to be is not to be, if that makes any sense. I've never quite made a path for myself, or known what I wanted to do with my life. I guess we can credit that as to why I don't quite know who I am.
Then he came into my life.
I've never really known what love was, what it was supposed to feel like. In fact, it raised more questions for me than it answered. What makes a heart so special? Is it even possible to bind two hearts together for a lifetime? I want to believe it is, but I can't be sure. My problem is that, I've never known what love is. I see people in relationships, how happy they are (or seem). In lesser words, I'm jealous. I want to know what it feels like to be loved by someone.
And then he showed up.
It's a horrible feeling, being forgotten. To know that, somewhere out there, you think of someone, but they don't think of you. I wish I could look up at the moon, and know that someone is looking at the same moon. I know it sounds cheesy, but my life is nachos sometimes.
To reiterate my point, next time you want to know what's wrong with me, look around to see if there are any happy couples around (or if it's a social event, but that's a given).
I know he'll show up.
In all this, I have to believe in something. I have to believe that one day my prince will come. And yet I'm left to wonder, maybe someone needs me to be their knight in shining armor. But then we start the conversation again; no one needs me.
Curiouser & Curiouser
What holds us to this world? Gravity? Our bodies? Or is it the relationships we form? I find myself asking such questions on a daily basis. Many people ask me what the matter is, when I seem down, or sad. To this, I have to ask... Have you ever felt unwanted? Unneeded? Like you don't belong where you are? I find myself feeling like this quite often. The only thing I've ever known how to be is not to be, if that makes any sense. I've never quite made a path for myself, or known what I wanted to do with my life. I guess we can credit that as to why I don't quite know who I am.
Then he came into my life.
I've never really known what love was, what it was supposed to feel like. In fact, it raised more questions for me than it answered. What makes a heart so special? Is it even possible to bind two hearts together for a lifetime? I want to believe it is, but I can't be sure. My problem is that, I've never known what love is. I see people in relationships, how happy they are (or seem). In lesser words, I'm jealous. I want to know what it feels like to be loved by someone.
And then he showed up.
It's a horrible feeling, being forgotten. To know that, somewhere out there, you think of someone, but they don't think of you. I wish I could look up at the moon, and know that someone is looking at the same moon. I know it sounds cheesy, but my life is nachos sometimes.
To reiterate my point, next time you want to know what's wrong with me, look around to see if there are any happy couples around (or if it's a social event, but that's a given).
I know he'll show up.
In all this, I have to believe in something. I have to believe that one day my prince will come. And yet I'm left to wonder, maybe someone needs me to be their knight in shining armor. But then we start the conversation again; no one needs me.
Curiouser & Curiouser
Your friend John seems like a cool guy. :) I hope that you (John) find what you are looking for. :)
ReplyDeleteKATHERINE: HI. HELLO. I wish my blog was cool enough to receive requests from guests!! #jealisssss
ReplyDeleteJOHN: HI. HELLO. #introductions This is beautiful.
This is the part where I PONTIFICATE: Love is real, and it's everywhere... it's relationships that make things tricky. Because when the love is there, and it almost always is, we let ourselves get PUNCHED IN THE FACE (I meant that metaphorically, as in, the emotional face, but um... literally, too. Yikes.) over and over again, because we love the people doing the punching. #runon #funtimes
Also, I've found that what I want/need always seems to show up right after I stop seeking it out. Don't worry, it's on it's way!
WEIRD COMMENTS ARE WEIRD. (Why am I always so creepy!?)