Blog Every Day April: 4/26

"True friends,
like ivy and the wall,
both stand together
and together fall."

Thomas Carlyle

I'm really good at keeping quiet. Silently fuming or no, my most often used survival tactic is silence. Bad things tend to happen when I say things. If I truly have to say something I will work the words until their controversy splits off in submission.

I start to hate people when they start trying to change me. For the most part, I think, this isn't truly their intent. It's easy for one to assert one's own opinion as the clear only option. It's easy for me to say, for instance, that books are the best ever and everyone should read them. Not everyone will agree, which is fine (though I can't say I fathom you, potential sirs and madams). As such, I feel I am to assume that when genuinely nice people assert to me that making friends and dealing with people is easy they are not doing this with malicious intent. I tell myself that said persons are merely trying to be helpful. It never quite works, but this is what I tell myself.

My blog title, Ivy and the Wall, takes after a quote I love. I've always wanted a friendship that doesn't break. I've moved more times than I can recall without resorting to finger-counting and careful recollection. Setting down roots has never been an option. Even in situations where everyone was supposedly like me I found myself perpetually outcast. People leave me, so I feel my only power is to shy away from them. Is this right? Maybe not. But it is what it is, and I reckon with it on a daily basis.

It isn't easy. It isn't easy. It isn't easy.

I may be slow-moving, but I am not at a standstill. I am not a project to be bent into shape for your amusement.

The change I make is my own.