The natural state. Our moods change. Our lives change. Our feelings for each other change. The song changes. The air changes. The temperature in the shower changes.
Accept this. We must accept this."
The Lover's Dictionary
David Levithan
Before I go any further, please allow me direct you toward some other fantastic BEDA bloggers. Laurel (future roommate and partner in sap), Lydia (the eloquent and excellent and ohmygoodnessiloveher), Ryan (thanks for humoring me, good sir), Maggie (remember that time that I am woefully behind on your beautiful posts?), and Manar (She's writing poems and is also the most adorableawesome person on the planet!) are all worthy of your love and devotion.
What makes this project so fun is the camaraderie of it all. Also the words. The words are pretty cool.
Granted, now that I look for them, they elude me. It's almost as if it was easier to take on the project in August, when I had large gaps of time and thoughts to fill them with. It was easier when I was more certain of where my words would be going.
I do not feel woefully wordless, yet the fact that ideas don't spring as they did once before hangs on me like a weight. I haven't attempted fiction seriously in years, finding a few thousand words to entertain me and drop off the face of the earth only every so often since.
I try not to let it worry me. I try to tell myself that I am merely suffering growing pains, but--you see--I've changed, and I fear there are no words left for me.
I have averaged several hours less sleep than usual for the past two nights. I like to sleep a ridiculous amount, and the sudden lack is becoming less than funny. Words sit in this place, promising another hour's wringing of hands as I try to muster thoughts.
Laurel calls me as she ventures her way home on the bus. I put the phone on speaker and leave it balanced on my knee as I type.
"What if distance wasn't dumb?" she asks.
If only.
D'AWWW. You said I was worthy to follow.
ReplyDeleteI hope your sleep is soon regained. As well, I know that your words are having trouble hooking together, but still they have a beautiful simplicity. Or maybe I'm just a dork.
A link? To ME? I am so honored! You are the BEST.
ReplyDeleteYou have words, I know it. As soon as you stop thinking about them, they'll come flooding in. A change of pace and scenery will probably spur them along, too. Also, it's really hard to find words when you're reading words as beautiful as David Levithan's. (Incidentally, Poem Project from before was inspired by Realm of Possibility. Which is GREAT, if you're interested. I mean, it's great even if you aren't interested.)
Laurel is such a pretty name. ...That sounds super creepy. Why am I so creepy!?!
AW, THANKS KATHERINE. :)
ReplyDeleteI tend to shift between phases of types of writing. Sometimes blogging comes naturally, but not fiction. Sometimes poetry comes naturally, but nothing else. Sometimes I can write just about anything but an essay.
And sometimes I have full on writer's block, and it's the worst. Back in January, I was feeling this, and I wrote in the draft of a blog that I never published, "I've been trying to blog all week, but my words haven't been working. Every thing has been coming out wrong and my brain seems to have lost its ability for communication. It's as if I just forgot the past three to five years of my linguistic development." And if you're feeling anything like that, I'm sorry, because it's really awful. But it goes away. Because like you said, life is constantly in flux, and that means that the bad parts don't stick around forever either.
I love you. :)