"I don't want to be worshiped, I... want to be loved."
The Philadelphia Story
Tracy Lord
I've cried a ridiculous amount today. Which is to say, of course, that I cried at all. I thought I was fine. I thought I was handling it.
But the longer the day went on, the more I dearly wished to slap each and every person I met. Giant squid of anger: I am one on occasion.
I really cannot rationalize actually slapping people, however, and speaking my mind is something I dislike doing in mixed or any company, yet the act has become increasingly necessary in recent days. I threaten to boil over at every turn. Yet--surely the ice queen could never boil. She's too cool, too composed to have feelings or show dislike.
People get to me. People who don't care get to me, especially. I'm so sorry you haven't been paying attention in class for seven months. I am not your miracle cure or your mother, so shape up or go home.
I don't understand, understand, understand them. I have worked hard for what I have and where I am. You can't take it from me anymore.
Family things, work things, people things. I haven't the heart or right to recount them all. I don't want to put them to words.
I want to be wrong; I live in fear of being wrong.
I feel like everything is my fault. I want to fix it all. I've felt this way for as long as I can remember.
I can't fix everything.
I propose a HIGH FIVE.
ReplyDeleteHuzzah for FEELINGS!!!
Even when they're angry, squid-like feelings, it really is much better than the easy/hard numbness.
It's not your fault, you don't need to fix it... ride the wave! In the last year or so, I've made a real effort to shove those nagging feelings aside and just laugh at everything- my mistakes, the stupidity of everyone else, the world in general. It's so much better!
EMBRACE THE SQUID.
No really, embrace it, because all those tentacles would make for a very comforting hug. Or terrifying.
I am like omg-mega-behind in commenting, but I want you to know that I LOVE you and I hope that things are better now, and also tears are blech but they can be all ~cathartic~ and that's a good thing and also, I don't really know what I'm talking about, and you can fix me all day long, baby. ;)
ReplyDeleteWut.
Um. In other news, I got your graduation announcement in the mail. :D Thanks for sending me one. You look all gorgeous. :)