Blog Every Day August: 8/15

It's that time of night again. I sit here in my marvelous spinny chair, criss cross apple sauce, eyes bleary and brain attempting entertainment. Today was a big day, but I again find myself impatient in pressing the details here. I woke up and things.

Now. I pride myself in my inherent wit and charm regarding this blog. Or something. But as I attempt to focus on any one thing tonight, it just doesn't work. My thoughts run me ragged. Today has been another installment of school school school work ahhhhhhhhh college volunteer work applications what am I going to do I will fail I will fail I can't do this I have no certainty and no answers help I can't do this. Really, it was a good day. Good things happened, truly. I had fun and did cool things. To align these things in a cohesive manner feels beyond me at the moment, though.

I don't want to worry about this. I want to take all of this one thing at a time and skillfully weave my pieces "back" together. But I can't. My thoughts are scattered and tangled, yes, but also a constant rushing I feel I cannot control. And all of these things coming to the surface, these perceptions I am coming to realize have always existed for me without my knowledge... it is like trying to rewrite my whole history within my mind. My mind is already full and cramped, thoughts poking me in all the wrong places, and it seems as if it is just one thing after another.

Maybe tomorrow won't be better. I'm bound to be a bit off for a while, especially with school looming so close and imponderables popping up at every corner. I do still have hope, and I still do wish to tell you of today's fun events. Tomorrow. Soon. Each and every one of you is wonderful, and I am grateful for your encouraging presences (and friendships) as I stumble and stutter and attempt. Such is life... and stuff.