And oh yeah, remember Dobbin? The dashing creature who led me on, lied to me and then broke up with me via text message? He didn't switch schools. His presence is existent. OH AND I'M IN A CLASS WITH HIM THIS IS JUST GREAT. I wasn't even supposed to be in this class but my schedule wasn't entered right. Total freeze out is being employed, but... gosh. I don't want to deal with this. Until today I hadn't seen him in almost three months. But now he's all around me and I don't know what to do when all I can do is ignore him with fire and ninjas. I refused to look at or acknowledge him.
But... he hurt me. He took my trust, already threadbare, and used it as a rug. I want to yell or scream or say something or be clever or something, but I cannot. I get to be the girl he mutters to his friends about as I walk into class, flat tones of "that's my ex." I get to be the one who gets strange looks from those in his group of friends I became acquainted with. I get to completely ignore him as he throws me questioning glances. And I can't say anything. This is supposed to be over, but it isn't for me. It isn't suddenly okay that this worm got me to trust him, told me I was his "best friend," "the best thing that ever happened" to him and that "every part of Katherine Hardman is lovable and loved by" him and other such stupidity, and then broke up with me in a text message. None of this is okay. But even in light of my ignoring him completely and my words to him previously, he gets to think he got away with it. He charms people, and I can't help but entertain the idea that he might approach me eventually. He's certainly stupid enough to think that this would be a good idea.
Also he said hello to my sister twice today. Get out of my world, dude. She doesn't want to talk to you.
Other stuff. Why can't this be over? It's hard to believe it will ever feel over.
GRRRRRR DOBBIN IS A JERK/IDIOT!!!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you still have to deal with him, darling. I wish I had advice for you, but relationships are a mystery to me :/
But I can send you lots of love and say I hope that everything else in your life continues to go well <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
YOU WILL BE THE LAMINATING *QUEEN*
Wow, uh.. not sure what to say. Just be, I guess. Do your work, learn your stuff, ignore him. Rise above.
ReplyDeleteI know.. not easy. But you don't have much choice at the moment.
Don't worry about his charming people and saying things about you, that's all his stuff, not yours. If he wants to say hi to Lauren, so what? She'll deal with him accordingly.
All you can do is just live. Chances are he has no real idea that you are even slightly mad still. Guys sometimes just never really understand broken trust and related rage (and when they do know, they label you "crazy" which is a whole new level of pissed off you don't want to be.)
ReplyDeleteThe universe likes to play these head games with us to teach us... something. What that is, I don't know. Just keep your chin up, ignore him and pretend he died. He is a zombie in the desk and interaction with him will alert him to your presence and put your brain in great peril. :)
Oh honey. D: That sucks. I'm always late, so once again I'll echo what the others said. You totally did the right thing ignoring him. You don't need that kind of nonsense in your life. You are so much better off without that creep.
ReplyDeleteTeeth gnash. I had to deal with a (sort of) similar thing my senior year. I mostly went for the avoid and ignore route. But, because I apparently care about my image, I didn't want to look like I *cared* at all, which seems pretty stupid--I mean, we should all be honest with our emotions and stuff, right? Shut up, progressive thinkers, this is A BATTLE ZONE! ...See the war that rages in my head? Not good. Anyway, I sometimes sort of went the Kill Them With Kindness route and tried to make sure I always appeared SUPER EXTRA ULTRA AWESOME AND HAPPY. Because, psh, his loss anyway. And I didn't want anyone thinking I was hung up on THAT waste of space.
ReplyDeleteMore or less, all I can say is that I've (sort of) been there and I know how much it sucks. And also, George Herbert it. Living well is the best revenge.
And also, boys suck. But not all of them, I'd like to believe. Here's hoping!