I worry. I worry without meaning to, without fulling thinking it through, often about the problems of others. This is especially prevalent in my home life. If my mother is upset, I am upset. If anyone is upset, I am upset. And it isn't only that it affects my mood; I also feel that must fix whatever may be wrong, control the situation myself. But the thing is, I have never been able to do this. I have the mindset that this is crucial, yet it is an impossibility but for a very minute number of instances. It isn't much fun, and I am host to a number of other failed perceptions, but there you are for today.
My hope was that the magic blogging fairy would show up by this time in the evening. However, no such beast has appeared. I haven't yet been able to set up a bank account or make it to Personnel to set up magical things, so I've been in a bit of a panic state. It's amazing how low my panic levels have been today, however, considering. SCHOOL. So soon so soon so soon what will I do? I spend a lot of time waiting for my mom to come home. I miss her when she isn't, but she has important things to do and things.
This evening I managed to let myself tumble into yet another pit of despair. But then my lovely Facebook wife, whom I mentioned yesterday, called me on the phone and we had to Plot Things and I'm a bit brighter than I was. We are hilarious and beautiful. As I chatted I doodled this. I figured it was worth a try.
Nothing else is particularly notable. I go up and down, as I say. My hope is that there will be eventual improvement once school gets into gear, once I have more structure. Who knows. I hope so.
There's something very pretty about that "control" doodle - you have lovely handwriting!
ReplyDeleteAs for your worries, all I can really say is this: *HUGS HUGS HUGSHUGSHUGS*. I know it's hard to get yourself out of a head space like that, but I also have total confidence in your ability to get all those things done fantastically.
You can do it, love! <3
The bank will be there tomorrow. And the day after, too!
ReplyDeleteSchool starts on Monday for me, too. I am not excited. I love school...but right now, I would much rather take a nap for a few weeks.
There is a page in one of my old journals covered in fragments of lyrics from that old girl scout song about circles being round. And the fire burning bright. And "friends forever we will always be". I didn't make it past Brownies and I have NO idea why I recalled my brief (but illustrious!) Girl Scout foray. And I *really* don't know why I graffiti-ed one of their stupid songs all over my journal. I also don't really know why I just told you that, seeing as at least CONTROL makes sense. xD
WOW CONTROL WOW.
ReplyDeleteI am actually really impressed by your doodles. Haha.
And I can also relate. Because I am also a bit of a control freak...Who sometimes doodles to release stress. :)