Blog Every Day August: 8/30

I am in a precarious good mood. Does that make sense? My mood is lifted, yet I feel like depression could slink in, yank at my coattails and toss me back down again at any moment. This is about as good as it gets.

Separating today into parts isn't working so well in my head. Bits and pieces flutter through my thoughts, unwilling to cling coherently to words. I said words to Dobbin today. We were in the same group in class (hahahahahahahahaha yes) and he said something at the end of class and then I said something and then I proclaimed myself to be a magical ninja to the teacher and left. Then he came into the library during eighth period with his class and I had to stop myself from hyperventilating madly while partitioning off laminated posters. And he keeps looking at me? I don't know.

My sister wisely told me that I might should stop thinking about him so much. I just got defensive at this suggestion. It isn't like I wake up every morning with the idea "ZOMG I get to think about DOBBIN TODAY oh yeah!!!!!" My thoughts are haywire as it is.

Irony: discussing conflict resolution/how to act in a disagreement while forced into a group with your ex-boyfriend.

Him: I'll write it down.

Me: I already wrote it down.

Him: Well never mind then.

[please insert really weird eye contact here, oh my God]

I'm a f*ding*ing ninja.

That felt appropriate for some reason.

Notable events, notable events... Teachers like me. I don't even know. Well, I do. I must reverberate "I'm a cool kid" vibes or something. Maybe I just do the work, unlike the majority population, but I find it hard to believe this could be the only reason. Surely some people do it, as well, though I do not have statistics on this. In English our teacher, One Who Is Addressed By His Initials, tried to switch a test date on us and argued that no, he hadn't set the date for Wednesday. It was always Tuesday. Yet, when I had it written out in my planner as Wednesday and he observed this, he said "okay, because Katherine is the only one I trust, I'll give you this one."

I repeat: I am a f*ding*ing ninja.

I know, internet. First I reveal to you the fact that I flip myself off in mirrors, then I throw expletives all over the place. It must be a lot to handle. It's getting me a bit hot and bothered, too, if you must know.

At work today I felt like I was doing everything wrong. The Mighty And Magical library staff seemed out of sorts to me, which led me to worry that they were mad at me or I was a failure at Life. If I don't have instruction I go straighten books on shelves and hope that if they need me they'll say something. Tomorrow I work until eight for the first time. Please Lord thank you help me.

Then I came home. Other bits happened. Then I sat here and promptly discovered this. THE BEST. It doesn't feel that simple, but it helps. I'm trying here.

Also awesome: THIS. Also this, which I frequently orchestrate dance parties to. And my lovely wonderful friend Erin. And breathing. Caffeine. Many things.

I don't want BEDA to end. I am seriously contemplating blogging more regularly after this experience. Who wants to hold me to that? I could use a keeper.

For some reason that last sentence makes me giggle.