The things I cannot say tug at my tender edges until I feel torn in half.
More often than not I have neither words nor a desire for them. There is a blankness inside me that wasn't there before. Part of me (most of me) thinks this: It was in times of greatest turmoil that I found words. In learning to cope I have lost them. In straightening out my thoughts I have misplaced the skewed, topsy turvy sort of logic that lent some skewed, topsy turvy sort of sense to my world then.
I have sea legs; this stillness boggles and nauseates me.
More often than not I have neither words nor a desire for them. There is a blankness inside me that wasn't there before. Part of me (most of me) thinks this: It was in times of greatest turmoil that I found words. In learning to cope I have lost them. In straightening out my thoughts I have misplaced the skewed, topsy turvy sort of logic that lent some skewed, topsy turvy sort of sense to my world then.
I have sea legs; this stillness boggles and nauseates me.
Comment #4 on post #4, I think. Right? If you were to give me away who would be the recipient?
ReplyDeleteWho would you LIKE to be given away to?
ReplyDelete"I have sea legs; this stillness boggles and nauseates me." THIS IS THE BEST METAPHOR YOU ARE SO BRILLIANT OMG!!!!
ReplyDeleteThe previews for Toy Story 3 made me really upset, but I thought the movie was actually really good, and that Andy is really forgivable, because, come on, he just wanted to put his toys to good use!
I love you<3
This: "It was in times of greatest turmoil that I found words. In learning to cope I have lost them. In straightening out my thoughts I have misplaced the skewed, topsy turvy sort of logic that lent some skewed, topsy turvy sort of sense to my world then." So much this. I feel exactly like this. So much so, that I can't even properly tell you how much I feel like this. When I was hospitalized for my bipolar disorder, I wrote the prettiest things. Now that I'm kind of normal and stable, nothing I write makes sense.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you're doing BEDA. These posts are making my life not as awful right now.
I love you.
Ditto and such... but honestly? I would rather dump my sad sad thoughts and words in favor of hooking up with the great me I'm learning to love.
ReplyDeleteAnd once we learn to love the great people we are, even better words will replace the stupid shit we wrote while we were depressed that we thought was OH SO insightful and beautiful. I mean, yeah, it did feel that way. But we were also SAD AND DEPRESSED.
It's only been recently in the literary world that we've started thinking sadness is synonymous with art. It simply isn't true. I'm puking all over your comments, but I'm really riled up on this point at the moment. So much so that I'm just going to go blog about it myself.
It's hard to remember that you don't have to be sad to be beautiful. But it's true; you don't.